PMS

Excuse me?

Do I know you?

I hope, for your sake, I don't.

Because my uterus has started several wars this weekend.

People I love have been mown down like the hideous weeds that they are.

People I dislike have been peppered with insults and swear words.

Complete strangers? I have willed them to look at me wrong so I could let them have it.

What is wrong with me? What is wrong with my hormone level? I am not sure, but this uterus and period crap and hormone shiz has got to be the worst man joke ever!


(An imagined conversation in the Garden of Eden)


Man #1- "Let's give the lady here a uterus and make her go crazy with rage one week a month!"


Man #2- "Sounds good! Should we give the man anything equivalent?"


Man #1- "Of course! We will give him 1/2 a brain so the woman's uterine-induced homicidal anger will be uncontrolled.  Her frenzy will be comical!"


Man #2- "I am afraid if we don't soothe the beast with a balm of Diet Coke, chocolate and Midol that she may be the cause of the apocalypse."


Todd... "Oh I see you've met my wife!" (yes, he was there in the garden...)

(And if you think this is sacrilegious, I dare you to say it to my face!)

Oh and while I am at the sacrilege... Garden of Eden? Really? If it was paradise, it would most certainly not be a Garden. I am thinking more the Spa of Eden.  Stupid man joke.

I hate everyone.

Shut up.

BEST PINATA EVER!!

(IT'S A UTERUS, YOU BLIND BAT!!)

WHAT MY POOR HUSBAND SEES AS I AM MAKING DINNER

IT SAYS, "NEVER TRUST ANYTHING THAT BLEEDS FOR 5 DAYS AND DOESN'T DIE!"

TRUE DAT!!

Locked and Loaded

Todd and sons decided we needed to go target practicing the other day.

Maddie decided she had other plans, but Sadie and I chose to support the men folk.

We drove for miles and miles and finally found the place we had been searching for.

It was a gorgeous evening and we had as much fun as one family should have

when shooting firearms.

No, we did not start a fire.

I even shot my husbands man gun, his 9 mm.

Now that is a gun.

I felt a bit like Rambo.

Kind of scary.

Made me tingle.

Not tinkle...tingle.

OK... maybe it did make me tinkle just a wee bit.

My princess will be trained in order to protect the castle

in case it comes under siege.

Totally hit the target..

Thus Dad's glee.

Tanner with the man gun.

I am saying a prayer right now.

He is a man.

What Sadie was more interested in doing...

SHE IS NOT HER HAIR!!!

Let me be clear.

This was totally her idea.

I was on my way to Cookie Cutters to get her a trim 

when she decided she wanted her hair cut OFF.

I made sure she knew what she was saying.

We talked about it for a few minutes and then I made

an appointment with our favorite crazy hairdresser, 

because I couldn't trust an A-line bob to Cookie Cutters.

She had all day to think about it and change her mind.

NEVER did she waver.

She kept asking how long until we could go to Jodi's to get her hair cut off.

NEVER got upset or nervous.

Beautiful little secure creature.

Man, do I love her!

Ms. Sadie after the cut.

She was so excited.

So... I swear, if any of you out there

spoil this haircut for her by saying something like...

"WHY DID YOU CUT IT?"

OR 

"SHE LOOKED SO CUTE WITH HER LONG HAIR!"

OR 

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???"

OR 

"SHE HAD THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HAIR!"

I will shave you bald in your sleep so you realize that life does go on

even without long hair.

She loves it, I love it!

I am proud of her for deciding to do something

that not everyone would do.

She is a beautiful girl-with long OR short hair.

It will grow.

And when it does, she will have fun with it again.

Braid it, clip it, comb it, trim it (think Dr Seuss..).

And then-if she is anything like me-she will cut it off.

All I can say is..

YOU ROCK THAT A-LINE BOB, SISTER!!

We will be donating 12 inches of beautiful Sadie hair to Locks of Love.

Some darling out there will love Sadie's hair for a long, long time.

So, no worries.

Sadie's hair lives on... and on... and on.

Yes, her haircut is almost identical to mine.

She wanted it like Mommy's.

Which I guess is fine unless I decide to sport a green mohawk or something like that.

Ragnar 2012

Top Ten Things I Loved About Ragnar 2012

1. The Honey Buckets-

Is that weird? I don't think anyone who has run a 

long race would disagree with Honey Buckets being at the top of the list.

I actually read part of a book in one.

Those Honey Bucket people have figured out the porta-potty and they have my

sincere and utmost thanks and praise.

2. My Vanmates-

Lowanna, Mason, Brett, Kim & Ty-

soo much fun, I love you all!!

Especially, Mason's neon white (is that a color? oh, yes it is!!) legs and his cute tick...

3. Chocolate Milk & Bananas-

best after run snack ever!

Hummus and Pita chips, not so much

4. The scenery-

worth every gallon of sweat

5. Besting my time on each of my legs despite being super old!

6. Seeing a girl from high school that I haven't seen for 20 + years.

We just happened to be showering next to each other at Ragnar...Awkward!!

7. Almost eating a bee on one of my runs.

Bounced of my teeth, kinda freaky

8.  MY NEW RAGNAR CAR STICKER!

I have waited for years to feel this cool and popular and now I am!

9. No one in our van having any problems.. no knees, no IT bands, no nothing!

We rocked it out!

I have a theory.. It is because we are farm stock.

Just don't mess with people from Neola, Utah.

10. My sweet family surprising me at the finish line! 

Thanks for making the effort to be there for your old momma!

 LOWANNA PREPPING MASON TO SHAVE HIS LEGS

WOW, SHE MUST REALLY LOVE HIM..

 YES, I KNOW MY BROTHERS ARE CUTE.

THEY ARE ALSO VERY GOOD BOYS.

IT IS BECAUSE I RAISED THEM...

I PRESENT TO YOU..

"NEON WHITE"

KIM, LEG 7

SHE DID AWESOME!

HONEY BUCKETS, I LOVE YOU

AFTER MY FIRST RUN, LEG 8

I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE.

IT WAS LIKE 95 DEGREES.

TYLER, RUNNER 12

HIS FIRST RUN

AT BEAUTIFUL SNOWBASIN.

SLAUGHTERED IT!

BRETT, RUNNER 11

HIS FIRST RUN

STRAIGHT UP THE MOUNTAIN TO SNOWBASIN.

KILLED IT!!

HONEY BUCKETS, NEVER LEAVE ME.. 

CHEESE!!!

GOTTA LOVE THOSE RASMUSSEN'S!!

AT LEAST I DO!!

I MEAN, I SORT OF HAVE TO!

LOWANNA AND MASON

I SORTOF HAVE TO LOVE YOU TWO ALSO!

(YOU THREE IF I COUNT YOUR TICK!!)

MASON DIGGING IN TO THE INFAMOUS

HUMMUS AND PITA CHIP DISASTER!

TAKEN RIGHT BEFORE MY SECOND LEG.

RUNNING 7 MILES... AT DUSK.

ACTUALLY, A TON OF FUN!

HERE WE ARE AT EXCHANGE 19, 

BY FAR THE FUNNEST EXCHANGE.

THIS IS SO I WILL NEVER FORGET HOW HIDEOUS

OUR TEAM SHIRTS WERE.

I HAD TO PAY 20 DOLLARS FOR THAT TANK TOP.

MADE OF COTTON, FROM HOT TOPICS.

SERIOUSLY, KILL ME.

AFTER MY 3RD RUN, STANDING ON RAGNAR HILL.

I AM THANKING HEAVEN THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO RUN UP THIS FREAKIN' MOUNTAIN.

LOVIN' MY RAGNAR TATTOO

WAITING FOR MASON AT THE TOP OF RAGNAR HILL!

 HE LIVES!

I HAVE NO PICTURES OF THE FINISH LINE YET.

BUT I HAVE PICTURES OF OUR YUMMY LUNCH AFTER..

WE WENT TO SHABU SHABU IN PARK CITY.

IT WAS VERY DIFFERENT & VERY FUN.

I LOVED THE EXPERIENCE.

LOTS OF VEGGIES AND FRESHLY SLICED PROTEIN,

COOKED IN A POT, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

PERFECT!!

SADIE WITH HER UDON NOODLE.

SHE LOVED TO SLURP THEM UP.

MESSY, BUT EFFECTIVE WAY TO GET HER TO EAT!