PMS

Excuse me?

Do I know you?

I hope, for your sake, I don't.

Because my uterus has started several wars this weekend.

People I love have been mown down like the hideous weeds that they are.

People I dislike have been peppered with insults and swear words.

Complete strangers? I have willed them to look at me wrong so I could let them have it.

What is wrong with me? What is wrong with my hormone level? I am not sure, but this uterus and period crap and hormone shiz has got to be the worst man joke ever!


(An imagined conversation in the Garden of Eden)


Man #1- "Let's give the lady here a uterus and make her go crazy with rage one week a month!"


Man #2- "Sounds good! Should we give the man anything equivalent?"


Man #1- "Of course! We will give him 1/2 a brain so the woman's uterine-induced homicidal anger will be uncontrolled.  Her frenzy will be comical!"


Man #2- "I am afraid if we don't soothe the beast with a balm of Diet Coke, chocolate and Midol that she may be the cause of the apocalypse."


Todd... "Oh I see you've met my wife!" (yes, he was there in the garden...)

(And if you think this is sacrilegious, I dare you to say it to my face!)

Oh and while I am at the sacrilege... Garden of Eden? Really? If it was paradise, it would most certainly not be a Garden. I am thinking more the Spa of Eden.  Stupid man joke.

I hate everyone.

Shut up.

BEST PINATA EVER!!

(IT'S A UTERUS, YOU BLIND BAT!!)

WHAT MY POOR HUSBAND SEES AS I AM MAKING DINNER

IT SAYS, "NEVER TRUST ANYTHING THAT BLEEDS FOR 5 DAYS AND DOESN'T DIE!"

TRUE DAT!!