NEW REVLON MODELS

This is the only way I can make dinner sometimes.  Maddie pulls out her make-up and starts working her magic on the toddlers to keep them quiet and still and out of the kitchen.  I toil away as Maddie transforms my children into something very troubling.  Sadie now has her own make-up set.  What was I thinking?  She ends up covered in it, and then of course, I am covered in it.  But, when it is 5:00 p.m. and you have a hungry family waiting for some food-well, a mom does what she has to do.  I am fine with a sticky-faced, smoky-eyed, hooker-lipstick-wearing 3 year old girl and a cross-dressing 4 year old boy pulling up their barstools and saying a prayer on the food.

HELP

It is fitting that on this, my 200th post, I am a mess.  A HOT mess, as they say.  

I can't seem to get my head above the water... 

Holy cow, mothering is hard at times, and today, I wasn't very good at it and I always hate days when I feel like I could have done better, but I just couldn't muster up the energy to actually do better. 

To you mothers out there, I ask, how do you get through those days when it seems like the goal of each of your offspring is to drive you completely and utterly insane?  When it seems as if there is NO REST for your weary mind?  

What to do besides go in a closet and hide behind some clothes or sit on the toilet for an extra 15 minutes just to get a little peace... Why are some days so much harder than others? Boy, I am a HOT mess.  

I am sure you are saying to yourself "That Stacy! So dramatic!"

I bet even one or two of you may be clucking your tongues in disapproval.

I would venture to say that some of my dearest readers are shuddering at my 

honest assessment of my crappy day

"What could possibly have driven Stacy to this point?"

LET ME TELL YOU 

IT'S CALLED

"HEY MOM I LOST MY LEARNERS PERMIT AND MY STUDENT ID 

AND I REALLY NEED AN ID THIS WEEK!" SO WE NEED TO GO TO THE DMV TODAY!!

IT'S CALLED 

WAITING IN LINE AT THE DMV 

WITH MY TWO HUNGRY, TIRED TODDLERS AND MY FABULOUS TEENAGER

AND SEVERAL HUNDRED OTHER SMELLY, NOT-SO-PLEASANT PEOPLE

OH, AND IT'S ALSO CALLED

OTHER TEENAGER IS GETTING BRACES OFF AND IS CALLING ME 

WHILE I AM AT THE DMV SAYING

"WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO PICK ME UP

BECAUSE I GOT DONE 30 MINUTES EARLY?"

AND..

"MOMMY, I AM HUNGRY AND WANT OLD MACDONALD'S RIGHT NOW, NOT SUBWAYS!"

AND..

BREAKING UP A FIGHT BETWEEN TWO ABOVE TEENAGERS.  FIGHT IS OVER AN IPOD SPEAKER SET AND FOR THE LIFE OF ME, I WANTED TO TAKE IT AND THROW IT INTO THE ROAD AND BACK THE CAR OVER IT SEVERAL TIMES 

AND..

"MOMMY, YUKE TICKED ME IN MY YIP AND IT WHEEWY HUWT!"

AND..

SITTING DOWN TO DINNER AND LUKE SAYING "I NEED TO GO POTTY" 

HELPING HIM WIPE, WASHING HIS HANDS, DRYING HIS HANDS, SITTING DOWN AND SADIE SAYING "I NEED TO GO POTTY TOO" 

SMILING KINDLY, HELPING HER WIPE, WASHING HER HANDS, DRYING HER HANDS AND SITTING DOWN TO EAT AND THEN 5 MINUTES LATER SADIE SAYING,

"MY TUMMY HURTS SO BAD, I THINK I NEED TO POOH NOW"

AND DON'T FORGET,

SNOWING, ON MY FLOWERS, ON MAY FREAKIN 24TH

I NEED A STIFF DRINK AND A SLEEPING PILL....

I guess I'll settle for a diet coke and some benadryl.  Such is life.

Do not even judge me unless you have ever gone to the DMV with 2 toddlers and a teenager

I mean, I just typed a whole page in caps... doesn't that mean anything to you???

Hear me ROAR!

I am a WOMAN of the EIGHT COW WIVES CLAN!  

The other day when Todd was working, I decided I would buy a trampoline.  Now, my husband has been against this "buying a trampoline" adventure, however through my wily ways, I had convinced him to get one with a net.  The minute my husband even kind of gives in, I have to take advantage and do the thing in which he was once opposed because he may change his mind.  After much discussion and kids crying and pleading, he gave in.  So, of course, the next day, I searched ksl.com (THE BEST THING EVER) and found a tramp with a net that was only 15 minutes or so away from me.  I got a great deal and I was feeling pumped.  Todd was at work, which was perfect because I could run get it before he knew what hit him.  Then, the terror set in.  What if Todd got upset because I bought it?  What if he was bugged because he had to spend 8 hours setting it up?  What if he changed his mind in the 6 hours that had passed since we had last discussed it? Of course, the only thing left for me to do was to... bring it home and set it up myself so he couldn't change his mind and make me take it back, thus destroying my children's whole entire childhood.  

I seriously rock at trampoline set up.  Me and Maddie (and a sledge hammer) set up the frame and then I put the mat and pads on by myself.  That's right! By myself.  And under 8 hours!  I did give up when it came to putting up the netting.  The last 30 minutes of me setting up the trampoline was literally torture for the kids, they were so excited.  

They had so much fun jumping with Tanner.  Me, I won't be jumping, unless I have just relieved myself.  And even then, I will probably spring a leak.  Don't judge me unless you too have pushed 4 children out in to the world.  

I am sure Todd was pleased in his heart when he got home from work and saw my feat of mad skills.  His face didn't know what to think, but I know his heart was bursting with pride at my accomplishment.  He is a saint to deal with me and my fabulousness.  

(And YES, Sadie is wearing pajamas again.  While it is daytime.  She was under the impression that it was a Dora SHIRT and she could not be convinced that they were pajamas.)

Peek-a-boo!

Tanner is my own energizer bunny-he wears the kids out for me.

Luke's face says it all!

Playing steamroller.

Loving it!

I wonder who will be taken to the ER first????

Karma

So, Maddie loves to bake.  If there is a sweet tooth that needs to be satisfied, we call Maddie. Sadie loves to "help" Maddie with the baking.  They are little dreams, except for the clean-up. Maddie is great at creating, not so good about making the mess disappear.  I tend to follow up after the baking and do the cleaning.  So, the other day Ms. Maddie announced that her and Sadie wanted to bake some cookies.  I believe the first thing I said was "NOOO!" or "The he_ _ you are!" Just kidding, I didn't really swear.  Or maybe I did.  I don't recall.  Then I felt guilty because that was really rude to not let my girls nuture those kitcheny instincts ("Kitcheny"??? I guess the word I am looking for is homemaking skills).  So, I compromised and told Maddie she could make a box of brownies.  Of course I was sure I had solved the problem that so plagues me when my girls bake.  How could there possibly be a mess to clean up with just a box of brownie mix.  Hmmm... Maddie + brownie box + my arrogance = MORE SWEARING.  

"Um.. Mom could you please come help me.  The brownie mix just attacked me."

Can someone tell me what I have done in my life to deserve this?  Actually, I would ask all of you to keep it to yourselves.  My kids read this blog.  

Loves to my two delightful mess-makers.  You are the best princesses a queen could ever want.

Beautiful May Day

In between the dreary, rainy, chilly days we have experienced lately, we have had a few hours of glorious spring.  This was one of those late May afternoons where "laundry be damned", I had to be outside with the kids.  Yes, they are in pajamas.  Yes, Luke is "packing".  Yes, he is wearing his galoshes (easy on, easy off, easy to clean, and OH so adorable).  Luke was thrilled to be playing with the next door neighbors--older girls are his thing.  They played on the rocks and pretended to shoot passerby's (only the ones we don't like).  The last two pictures are of Luke's response to being told it was time to go in.  Sophie tried to ease his pain by giving him a kiss.  He was having none of it and stomped off to the front stairs to continue his pouting.  I can't really blame him--he had the perfect day going for him- the girls, the gun, the galoshes-and Mom had to ruin it for him.  Sometimes it is hard to be the bad guy.  I am surprised he didn't use his gun to silence me...

Humility

A few episodes to remind me of my humanness, my utter lack of grace and dignity.  Oh, and also I want to remember my husband's idiocy too.  We are a pair, I tell ya.

1. Mother's Day 2010.  Getting ready for 9:00 a.m. church.  By the way, what a stupid idea to have Mother's Day on a Sunday-we all know that in the LDS world, that is the least relaxing day of the week!! But, I digress...

I am hustling getting my little family ready.  Maddie (AKA my nanny, my maid, my right-hand) has slept in and we are all rushing around.  Everyone is bathed, fed and dressed.  I am in the process of finishing up and I look at the clock and mentally pat myself on the back because I am going to be able to be early for once!! In our ward, to get the good seats, you have to be early.  I like the good seats. Much more comfy, much less noise as Luke drives his matchbox cars, much easier to clean up crumbs.  Anywho, I digress...

A special hymn is playing in my head as I start to blow dry my hair.  I think it may have been "There is Sunshine in My Soul today"  My hair is magnificent in my fingers.  It feels soft, ooh so soft.  And it has a wonderful scent to it.  I am noticing however, that it seems to be taking a bit longer than normal to dry.  Then my brain actually wakes up and BAM it hits me.  DIDN'T RINSE THE CONDITIONER OUT OF MY HAIR.  

stupid mother's day and stupid 9:00 a.m. church....

2. The above story reminded me of the one other time when I felt happy thoughts while getting ready for church.  Same sort of scenario, ahead of the clock, going to get good seats, pleased with my choice of clothes, hair not entirely hideous... ready for the Sabbath.  Get to church, get a great seat in the middle of the congregation, about 5 rows from the stand.  Feel the spirit. Feel great happiness and peace.  Todd's hand on my shoulder & back.  Life is good.  I am in control and nothing can get me down.  THEN- BAM!!!  Todd's horrified expression as he looks at me at the end of the meeting- "You have your shirt on inside out!!"

stupid church and stupid seams & tag for the whole ward to see...

3.  Went to Walmart yesterday.  There was alot of "walmart" type people at Walmart yesterday.  Do you know what I mean?  Anyway, I was tired and could have been cranky, but I was bound and determined to be pleasant, even though there was an abundance of stupidity all around me, in the form of husbands with uncontrolled children trying to get last minute gifts for their dear mothers/wives.  I filled my cart and headed for the nearest check out line.  The cashier person struck up a conversation with me.  Normally, I am not into talking with my cashier person.  I will answer their questions, but not really engage in the conversation... yes, I am that kind of rude person.  BUT not yesterday.  I chatted with him about various things...plans for mother's day, his opinion of my choice of bacon... ya know, important stuff. We were connecting and I felt I had made a good friend.  He told me my total owed and of course I spent more than I intended so I gave him as much cash as I had ($120) and then swiped my card for the remainder.  I then did the dumbest thing imaginable in front of my new best friend-- when the monitor-thingy asked me if I wanted cash back, I pushed YES and got $80 cash back.  He hadn't even got my twenties in the register and had to hand them back to me. Do you know how stupid I felt in front of all the stupid walmart people?? My cashier guy actually laughed at me!! He said thank you to me for giving him the first laugh of his shift!!

stupid cash and stupid debit card and stupid math...

4.  The last story on my mind is a the story of Todd.  Todd is a smart and sexy man.  Todd has a good job and is a wonderful father.  But Todd makes silly errors sometimes that just about kill me.  

For our anniversary, Todd and I booked a massage.  I have done this before for our anniversary and he has somehow gotten out of going to the spa with me.  This was his first experience at the spa and he was in his glory. He was ready.  

He was shown to his dimly lit room, and told to get undressed and lay on the table.  Now, what I recall my masseuse saying is "Get undressed and then lay down on the table, under the top sheet.  

Todd, in his eagerness to be rubbed down by a complete stranger, didn't hear the UNDER THE SHEET.  He was obedient to the first two commands, and laid down NAKED, ON HIS BACK on the table. A few minutes passed and his poor little innocent masseuse comes back and what does she find?  You can only imagine the image.  She graciously said she would step out while he got under the sheet.  Wow..

stupid sheet & stupid instructions

I love that I am an idiot at times.  If you can't laugh at yourself, you are lame and boring.  If you can't laugh at your husband and blog about him when he embarrasses himself, I don't wish to know you.  

Adult Entertainment in Las Vegas

Our week-long anniversary extravaganza to Las Vegas started (and ended) with lots of hiking.  We lived in Vegas for a couple of years and used to love to spend weekends hiking at Red Rock Canyon.  Our kids loved it so much and so did we, so it was great to get back there and spend some time.  

Todd thinks he is cool.

At the top of Turtlehead Peak.  Our first hike of the week.

I enjoyed breakfast in my room 6 of the 7 mornings we were there.  This was after an episode of an Insanity workout so I am looking sweet for this picture.  To be honest,  we stopped 1/2 way through our workout so I could savor my fabulous, warm pannies..

Buttermilk pancakes-Room Service delivered them to our room 4-5 mornings.  Holy crap they were so good, I couldn't resist them.  I will miss you, pancakes.  Todd was great at breakfast time.. his favorite breakfast was a very womanly fruit plate with yogurt and granola.  It takes a very secure man to order this day after day, while his woman is ordering the pancakes.

At the Paris hotel, there is a little pastry shop called Cafe Madeleine and we dropped some serious cash there.  Everytime we went, which was almost everyday, Todd would get a pastry AND some gelato.  Here is a list of some of the pastries we sampled..

1. peach pastry ( a bit like peach pie, but SOO much better)

2. Chocolate mousse cake

3. Lime cheesecake with raspberries (as pictured)

4. Fruit Torte

5. Raspberry pastry (in background of above picture)

6. Eclairs

7. Tirumasu

Todd's gelato.  Made himself sick this night.  I thought it was fairly humorous as he laid on the bed and moaned and cried out in his misery.  

At our anniversary dinner, we ate in the Eiffel Tower restaurant and had a fabulous view of the water show at the Bellagio.  This is the smoke that signals the start of the show.  

Our cute little water boy (bus boy?) took this picture.  It is not the best quality, but you get the idea.. Table right next to the window.  We had some really good french food (didn't think I would like it as much as I did) and had a great view.  A wonderful dinner with my wonderfully sweet husband of 17 years.  

Really one of our favorite places.  

Up, Up, Up...

Checking out where I've been!

A friend of mine (who shall not be named) found out we spent our time in Vegas hiking.  She expressed disbelief that there was anywhere good to hike.  "That is so BORING!" she said.  She couldn't have been more wrong!  We spent approximately 12 hours hiking over 4 different days and we enjoyed each day SO much.  We both decided it was our very favorite thing (hiking) and have determined to plan a backpacking trip to Europe in the next couple of years before we get too old.  Anyone want to come?? 

On top of the world (at least it feels like it)

At the mouth of Ice Box Canyon.  Love that windblown look!

Todd's best side and a little bit of water we had to cross.

At the (almost) top of ICE BOX CANYON.  A bit sketchy getting up to the very top where there was a small waterfall.  So, I went a bit farther than this photo and then sent Todd the rest of the way.  On the way down, I thought I was going to die.  A huge wind gust almost blew me into the water.  It actually did blow my hat into the water and we had to go fishin for my hat because it is my very favorite hat and there was no way I was leaving it there.

Some of the latest fashion trends right from the Las Vegas Strip.

Frozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity 3... I couldn't resist it, even after several dozen episodes of brain freeze.  We sucked this down in about 2.2 minutes.  We even slurped up the excess that is sitting on the plate.  OOhhh.. so sinful, so naughty. So VEGAS!

We stayed at the Paris Hotel, and this was the view on the one night that we actually left our room to venture to the strip.  Actually I could almost make myself believe we were at the real one.  I don't need no stinkin' french people.  Give me the STRIP PARIS with all of the VEGAS charm right outside the window anyday!

Me trying not to fall down this little canyon while hiking in Red Rock Canyon.  Even after my spray tan (freakin $30 dollars), I am still translucent.  I am going for the vampiress look.

 

Todd is in the process of birthing himself from a hole in the ground.  We hiked up the narrow little slot canyon and found this hole at the top--the only way out. It was quite hilarious watching him squirm around trying to get out.  It took him like 5 entire minutes to get himself out of this little trap and what did I do this entire time?  I laughed and snapped photo after photo.  Why am I so tickled by his obvious discomfort?

Todd in all of his glory basking in the desert sun on the top of Red Rock.  It was the perfect temperature, kind of spooky actually.  The weather has been so strange and unseasonable that I couldn't quite dare to believe we were actually having the perfect weather.   We didn't want to come down.

And as we started our hike down the mountain, I--in all of my grace--walked into a cactus.  It was quite an experience, picking all of those stickers out of my leg.  So super. I thought I could use a small rock and scrape them out, but NO! that did not work!  Had to pick them out, one by one.  Todd had the nerve to say "Ouch! I got one in my finger!" and look really distressed. HELLO! HAVE YOU SEEN MY FREAKIN LEG??? 

Thanks to all of the loved ones who helped with the kids.  I really didn't have to worry about anything, because of the wonderful help we had.  Maddie, you are the best!  I came home to a spotless house-she did laundry, dishes and even mopped the floor! I have the best kids in the world and supportive loving parents (both sides) that made this trip possible for Todd and I.  So grateful for the week of recharging I received!