YOU'RE INVITED

To all my dearest friends and family:

Soon I will be turning 40 years old.  It is a momentous day.  A day that will live in infamy.  Or not. 

I am having a party.  My crazy friend Wendy, who is party planner extraordinare is planning it. This party will be on my 40th birthday, February 12th.  I am going to make it a day of fun and immaturity.  Because I am a rebel.  I refuse to do the black balloons and crap like that.  We are going to PARTY!  

I am hoping to get at least 40 friends to my 40th party.  So I just wanted you who follow my blog to know that I want you to come.  Even if you just show up to eat, I would love it.  I don't want to think about that I am 1/2 way to 80 years old.  I just want to have a fun time with my friends.  

So you will probably be getting an invitation in the mail, but if not, just know you can come and we will have some fun, or at least give it a shot.  

40 YEARS OLD-CRAZY!!

DETAILS:

WHERE: MY HOUSE, 1418 W SKYSCAPE WAY

WHEN: SATURDAY FEB 12TH, 2011

TIME: 4:00 - 10:00 P.M. OPEN HOUSE!! COME WHEN YOU CAN FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN!

WE WILL BE EATING, PLAYING VARIOUS GAMES & TRYING OUT THE NEWEST IN NAIL ART.  

"Get professional nail art designs at a huge discount. This has been sold exclusively in salons worldwide and is now available to you, family and friends. Early birds get the best designs to pick from."  

You will be able to get your nails done for $5-10 dollars and will learn how to do it if you want to take more of the sheets home to do it on your own.

     

PLEASE CALL  (801 253-0671) AND RSVP SO WE CAN PLAN FOOD!  

I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO COME FOR THE WHOLE TIME OR JUST STOP IN!

My bionic Mommy

This is Mom, pre-surgery.  The nurse came in and asked her to write "YES" on wherever she was to have surgery that day.  I told her she should write, "YES" on each of her bosoms and see what she ended up with.  Can you image.. instead of total knees, total boobs? Too cool.

This is mommy post-surgery.  Basically, in a medically-induced coma.  Which she awakened from about 48 hours later.  This is a picture you may not appreciate unless you are a member of my family.  I have caught on camera 2 things you may never see again... 

1. Dad on a phone

2. Mom laying down when it is light outside

This is mom at Healthsouth Rehab center.  At first, I called it Healthsuck, just because I was rude, but Mom and Dad have actually had a great time the last few days.  I think they are pretending they are on a cruise and just stuck in their cabin.  A cruise with no water and crappy food only 3 times a day.  And no entertainment, unless you count pushing the nurses button several times an hour, just to see what she will do.  I mean.. Whatever floats your boat, right?

I knew my mom was going to be OK when we entered the room and she said..

"Hi loves!! I think I have something for you in my purse! Someone hand me my purse

so I can get the kids a treat!"

Seriously, she is such a grandma.

Dad and Tanner

Sadie thrilled to be back with her IPAD.

My kids have been having serious IPAD withdrawls because I have let my parents

keep it to give them something to do besides stare at each other and push the nurses call button.  Mom actually perked up enough to make Dad go buy her her own IPAD.  So she will have hers to register and play with once she goes home.  

The BEST invention ever.  Could I want one of these more?

what is wrong with this picture?

At least they were quiet for a few minutes.

My mother is now 10% robot.  She has 2 new knees and she is so excited about the progress she has thus far been able to make.  I am so glad she is doing better and that we will not have to be staging an intervention ("this is your brain on drugs,  Mom..").  My mom is a tough farm girl and I know that it has been hard for her to be so limited due to her crappy knees.   So, "YIPPEE!" for cute, smart orthopedic surgeons who have dedicated their life to helping people improve their quality of life. Thanks, Dr. Momberger for my robotic mommy.  Can't wait for her to be able to cook Sunday dinner again...

My life is like a country song..

You know the drill with the country tunes.  They go a little like this... my dog died, my husband cheated, my mama baked me a pie and then it fell off the window sill, my daughter is pregnant by the local preacher's son, my truck blew a tire, someone spilled my beer, my milk cow stepped on my foot.. Well, my country song goes a little like this.

My dog didn't die.  She just insists on pooping all over my house.  As well as pooping, she has taken to throwing up.  I am not sure what her problem is, but she needs a serious upper GI work-up to get to the bottom of things.  And speaking of bottom, she may need a colonoscopy also.  If she doesn't die soon, she may die soon.  (Do you read me??)

My husband didn't cheat.  However, he did play another round of WARD basketball.  This time he was much less tenative and gentle with the other brethren.  He put some body on them. Needless to say, it was a bit difficult to watch.  So, he didn't cheat, but he has taken up with his favorite "mistress"-- WARD basketball.  It would make a very clever song if I was very clever..

My mama didn't bake me a pie (dam you mama!), but she did have 2 major surgeries this last week.  My mama came out here to the city and had 2 total knee replacements on Tuesday.  She is a bit of a narcotic virgin as I like to say and so she was completely and utterly stoned for 2 or 3 days. Seriously overmedicated, which was very annoying to her and scary to behold.  My mom, the druggie. She was convinced we had taken her out of the hospital and moved her to Rangely, Colorado.  Also convinced that she had bed bugs (she was higher than a kite.. drug-induced paranoia and itchiness, so great!).  We have finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel as we have reduced her intake of pain killers.  She is doing awesome now, which doesn't really go with my life as a country song, but I am happy, nonetheless.

Luckily, my daughter has not been impregnated, however, Sadie did decide she wasn't getting enough attention and so she decided she needed a trip to the ER the day after my mom's surgery.  Mom's surgery Tuesday-Sadie ER trip to Primary Children's on Wednesday morning. My life is AWESOME!! 

Let's review.. 

• Sadie gets sick with her fabulous metabolic condition (ketotic hypoglycemia) and we take her to Jordan Valley ER a few days before Thanksgiving.
  
• Sadie admitted to Primary Children's in November (3 days)
  
• Todd admitted to University of Utah in December (5 days)
  
• Todd off work, walker, pain, all of January.
  
• Mom gets surgery on January 25th.
  
• Sadie goes to ER at Primary Children's January 26th- stays all day, no nights though! 
  
• Mom stays at TOSH inpatient floor for 3 nights. 
  
• Mom moves to Healthsouth Rehab hospital for an undetermined length of time.
  

Super fun stuff, huh.  Good thing we have good health insurance (and a prescription for valium-kidding!)

Now, on with my country song.  My truck tire is grand, however, Todd did get pulled over the day of my mom's surgery for not stopping at a red light. YEE-HAW!!  Super awesome that we will have to pay $90 dollars for a red light infraction because he made a rolling stop on a red light and then turned right at the one intersection in Utah where you can't turn right on red.  

"I didn't stop, when I turned right... I turned right at a dang red light!"  (Sing in your best cowboy twang.. it will be a hit someday)

My favorite part of this story is the beer spilling story.  As you know, I have cut way back on the beer spilling, so it is not a beer spilling story, but I do have a beverage spilling story.  It involves my Mr Ashby.  My sweet husband enjoys eating everywhere but the bar or kitchen table.  His favorite place to nosh (I love that word.. nosh.. it make me feel so cool, like the stars in People magazine) is in our bedroom.  He not only partakes in food but beverage in our bed. I have determined that I love him just enough to overlook this annoying behavior.  I mean, he could be cheating on me, right? What does it matter if I have to bring 2 cups and a bowl and a plate down to the kitchen each day?  I have really accepted my husband's weirdness and I only nag him about it maybe 2 times a quarter.  SOOO, anywho.. I was making my bed yesterday and I inadvertantly tossed a pillow too close to my husband's milk glass from the night before. It tumbled down, down, down, down.  I may have swore.  I don't know because for about 2 minutes I couldn't see or hear.. all I saw was a white light.  When I became conscious of my surroundings again, I observed 8 ounces of milk strung about my room.. on my bed, on his bedside table, on the carpet, on his new laptop.. 

Oh, yeah, was I so excited and happy.  Let me just tell you how I handled this.  I finished making the bed and cleaned up my mess and then I calmly wrote him a love letter and put in on his side of the bed.  It began a little something like this.. 

My dearest husband, 

Thank you for drinking the milk that I buy you.  Thank you for letting me clean it up after I spilled it on our bed.  Thank you for never ever leaving a beverage in our room again.   Yes, it spilled on your computer.  No, I don't feel sorry for you.  

Love always, Your Staystay...

As far as the milk cow stepping on my toe, that didn't happen.  Although, Sophie did step on Luke's toe.  See, it is truly a country song in real life.  

Sunday at it's most Sabbathy

My kids love scary movies.  The scarier the better.  At least for Sadie.  Instead of whining for a barbie or princess movie, she whines for a monster movie.  So, after she had whined for the allotted 20 minutes I presented her with the monster movie of the decade.  We put in the second installment of the Lord of the Rings series so Gollum could freak her freak and I wouldn't have to hear anymore whining about monsters.  Of course, it seemed perfectly appropriate to present this movie on Sunday. It is the ultimate battle of good vs. evil.  I mean, it has a white wizard and a crazy eye devil.  But really, when else but the Sabbath would we be able to watch a 3 1/2 hour movie?  

As I type, we enjoying Frodo's fantastically journey through evil and I have heard 

"Where are the monsters?"

about 13 times. 

She is not impressed with evil Gollum, nor the Orcs.  Nor is she frightened by the trees that come alive or the freakish wars that they fight.  She enjoys sword play and is tickled pink by mayhem.  I don't know what I have done to my little gentle princess.  She is all marshmallow goo on the outside and as hard as stone inside.  However, she is my Precious.  My precious little hobbit.

No words needed..

However, could I have a wordless post?

I think not.

I present to you pictures of my husband's "rehab".

Yes, that is my husband, a mere 5 weeks after surgery.  Playing basketball.  Not just basketball, however.  It is WARD basketball.  I mean, really, could I expect him to miss WARD basketball? What kind of a wife would I be if I didn't support his lifelong dream of playing in a WARD basketball game?  I think it must be his way of saying, "the church is true, just watch me play WARD basketball after having leg surgery and being deathly ill just a few short weeks ago."

I must thank his team who encouraged this "testimony" of sorts.  When we arrived, there was much patting on shoulders and looks of disbelief (is he really going to try to play?).  

One of the other players asked, "If you play, is it possible to ruin anything?"  I immediately answered, "Only our marriage."  And another freak on the team said, "I'd say it's worth the risk!"  Gotta love our priesthood brethren and that lovely WARD basketball.  

I am quite sure he did it because he is going stir-crazy.  He needs some physicality in his life..and I am awfully tired.. so I am sure that is what caused this premature trip to the court.  

In the few minutes that he played, I only swore under my breath about 3 times.  We had a couple of crashes to the ground and a few "OUCH" expressions coming from Todd, but overall he was fairly mellow for him.  Everyone commented that it is kind of funny because even with Todd playing only at a 50% level, he still outplayed everyone else (not really, but it was nice that they said that).  He did do well--scored 14 points.  However, didn't score so well with the wife, so I would say, all in all, he was about even for the night. 

I am sure he feels it was worth the risk.  And there you have it.  My husband's testimony of WARD basketball.  

Can I get an AMEN?

I didn't think so.

I love technology!! (think Napoleon Dynamite)

Luke's portrait that I created masterfully on my IPAD.

Freakin' rocks.

I will even be taking it to church because the drawing app is the best thing I have ever seen.  Taking a very close 2nd is my "pimple popper" app. 

That's right.  You pop zits on people's face.

That is the whole game.

You pick scabs and squeeze zits.

Seriously, it is awesome

 

And the rest of the top ten apps thus far on my ipad.

3. Phonics game-kids can trace letter and start beginning phonics

  (because I have relinquished my mother of the year, it is not my #1 favorite app)

4. Yahtzee-(I beat Todd every time).

5. Scrabble- Todd beats me everytime, but I feel cool and smart when I play it.

6. Angry Birds- my children's personal favorite.

7. Test Drive- super fun to make cops crash ( I am a rebel)

8. Ant Smasher- smashing ants.  Same level as popping zits, so therapuetic.

9. Cut the Rope- Sadie Grace loves this one.

10. Fruit Ninja- should probably be higher on the list-super Zen.. 

 

My IPAD--It may be the best invention EVER!!

Have you heard of the Starbucks app in development?  

You load a money amount onto your Starbucks account thru an app and then when you go to get your Grande Non-Fat, Kids Temp, No Whip, Peppermint hot chocolate you just somehow swipe your ipad at your barista and WAA LAAHH!!  Your chocolate is paid for and deducted from your Starbucks account.  If I do get this, it will move right into the #1 position of most favorite apps.

This is Ms Sadie.  I am not sure why she is wearing a muumuu..

There is something so beautiful about this life we live.

I can watch Modern Family at my convenience using my DVR, 

all while blogging on my laptop..

while calendering on my Ipad..

with my sweet husband laying next to me downloading new tunes on his laptop,

answering a most important call on his iphone,

with my older children gleefully fighting over the desktop (an apple, of course), 

and the best of all..

the Lukester and Princess yelling,

"Can I play Angry Birds yet?

You said 5 minutes a yong time ago!

When are you going to let me play??"

There is something a bit freakish watching

my little babes stroke the screen of the ipad or iphone.

They navigate the apps store like real computer geeks.

Kip and LaFawnduh.

Can you imagine Kip with an ipad?

Glorious glorious technology.

Kip, you must put town the weapons and stop trying to be physically fit.  Get yourself an Ipad and a DVR and you may never wish for anything again...  Except for the Starbucks app..

Go right ahead and judge me- you people who do dishes, and floors and make dinner.  I have an app which makes your dinner look stupid.  I will put my my pimple popper app next to your dinner any day.

I need professional help.  Maybe they have an app for that.

Love the bubbly

Attention!! Attention!!

I really have nothing to say, other than, I am not dead, nor is my husband.

You may wonder why this deserves attention.

Let me tell you.

I love my husband. There are a million reasons why, but I am not NieNie and will not get all gushy about all of the wonderful things he does everyday.. (Not to say that I don't love my NieNie, because I do.)

However, I am StayStay. Yes, that is my new blogging name. StayStay. Kind of like a really firmly placed maxi pad. I am StayStay and Mr. Ashby (Todd) is lucky to be alive.

My husband has been sick, as you may know. You may also know that I have been his caregiver. Now I thought I could handle this, but there are 3 things against me.

1. My husband is a Man (thus very stubborn)

2. My husband is an Ashby (thus the most right of anyone ever!)

3. My husband is a Physician's Assistant (thus all knowing)

Those 3 things have given me some CRAZY moments recently. And by crazy, I mean, literally- crazy!! Do you know what I mean when I say crazy?? Picture crazy hoarding cat lady and then give her some crack cocaine and have her not sleep for a few days.. CRAZY! Poor Mr. Ashby, that is all I have to say. He thought I would be like the loving Florence Nightengale, instead he got that crazy character in that movie..What is it called? Oh yes, I remember- MISERY, starring Kathy Bates. Have you seen it? If not, I invite you to our home to pull up a chair and you will possibly get a re-enactment of that fabulously uplifting piece of cinema.

So, I may not be cut out to be a nurse. Especially to my husband. Who is a man. Who also is an Ashby, who is also employed in the medical profession. He deserves better, he deserves much better.

However, he is stuck with me. Because I am StayStay.

This is a photo of me bringing my husband some freshly squeezed lemonade.

I know, I am heaven.

This was snapped as I was lovingly shaving my Mr. Ashby's face.

I am a gentle soul.

This was taken after I had made some fresh warm breadsticks.

Right after I removed the breadstick from the oven, I remembered I had target practice, thus the gun.

This is my method of positioning my husband's legs for supreme comfort at night.

This is such a tender snapshot at the end of our day.

I am securing him, oh so very gently, so he doesn't fall out of bed.

I apologize to Mr Ashby for my failings as a caregiver.

I didn't realize I would want to kill you as you struggled to get well.

You know that I love you and that I would do anything for you.

Even bring you freshly squeezed lemonade.

Really people. Don't call Adult Protective Services.

I am kidding, it is what I do.

And Todd, I do love you so much and I am happy you are getting better

so you can get back to taking care of me and the kids and your patients and your extended family..

You are a wonderful person and I am proud of all of your efforts to get well.

Hanging on and out..

Had us a fun weekend.  Didn't do much except hang out with kids, you know.. 

• angry birds
  
• taking pictures
  
• laying in bed with Todd
  
• watching movies
  
• playing games (the matching game is a HIT!)
  
• went shopping with my favorite girls to gateway
• eating too much
  

LOVE IT!

Todd is slowly getting better.  He is able to hobble around the bedroom like a little old man.  If he goes very far at all, he uses his trusty crutches. He is able to drive now which means his descent into madness has slowed a bit.  He started therapy on Thursday and it went reasonably well.  I knew it would be somewhat difficult because he is still so weak and fatigues so quickly. We will be going into TOSH 2 times a week to work on his endurance, strength and flexibility. As difficult as this has been on the family, we are fairing rather well at this point.  We are grateful for his improvements and know that prayers are being answered.  

Luke said a few things this last week that I had to remember.  He is such a little turkey.  He reminds me of Maddie when she was his age-very precocious and mouthy.  A few examples..

Sex Ed?

Luke and Sadie had picked out a treat at the gas station (their favorite store..don't ask me why.. maybe because we are rednecks..).  Sadie had picked a banana and Luke had picked an apple. Seriously, am I that kind of mom?  I think not.  Sadie picked skittles and Luke picked starbursts.  They were on their way to a serious sugar high in the back seat as we were driving and this is what I heard..

Sadie:  "Yutie (Lukey), do you want some of my M & M's?"

Luke: "They are not M & M's, the are S & M's! And yes, I want some S & M's!"

Oil and Water

Despite all efforts, my children fight.  And it seems lately that the ones who fight the most are Maddie and Luke.  Maddie has no patience for his little boyness and his shenanigans.  Luke knows that he irritates her and can't possible go 3 minutes without making her totally frustrated. Many times a day I have to hide my face because Luke has said something snotty  (but funny) to Maddie.  In the car today, there was more of the same.  Luke was being a terror and Maddie was trying to control him and he was not having any of it.  After several minutes of Luke screaming and trying to smack Maddie and Maddie trying to hold his arms and failing, Todd had had enough.

Todd: "Could you guys give it a rest?"

Me: (to Todd) "Those two are like oil and water, we shouldn't have put them by each other in the car."

Luke: (from the back seat, yelling towards his lovely big sister) "Yeah, Maddie! You are like boiling water!"

Love 'em, despite their imperfectness.

This is the current favorite past time of these 3 lovelies.

The matching game that stupid Santa brought.

Luke was not into it, until he played it with his fun dad.

They have funny names for all of the different crazy Dr Suess characters.

Some examples:

Trampoline Dad

Man pooping a hat

pink dog

and 

Peanut Brothers

My kids giggle the entire time they play, until the end when someone has to be a good loser.

Never an easy thing to learn.

This is how Sadie picks her cards.

Why is she so cute?

I think the Diet Coke I drank when I was pregnant

might have something to do with it.

I am just saying...

Your offspring on Diet Coke..

But, of course, I have another Diet Coke child and

he is a little bit like the "Children of the Corn" children..

so, maybe Diet Coke is not such a good idea.

The jury is out.

My princess is still learning how to be a good sport.

Todd trying to keep the crazy child away from his legs.

Sadie wanted to watch a movie in our room, but we were watching the scary movie "The Others", so we built her a bed on the ground by our bed.  She was facing away from our TV and  Todd put a movie in his laptop and put headphones on her with Tanner's knit hat on to keep the headphones in her little ears.  She looked so cute and every few seconds she would get a little smile on her face as something funny happened on her movie.  It was seriously cute.

And of course, it wouldn't be a weekend of pictures without

a picture of Sophie sleeping.