I would love me some menopause..

I need salt.  I need sugar.  I need purple jumbo cotton womanly "popsicles"and some large sanitary napkins.  I need Midol. Then I need a hot pad and some hot cocoa.  Oh, yes, could I also get some chips and salsa?  How about some SPANX to hold my bloated mid-section in so I only look 4 months pregnant and not 8?  Could I please also get some soothing balm for my last nerve...? Oh, nevermind.. there it goes.  Last nerve, gone. Is there a technique in which one removes the 5 extra pounds of water weight that comes each month with the "gift"? I think I could also use some IV pain killers.  Could I get some fries with that IV? Could I maybe please get a vial of testoterone injected into my stomach to balance to estrogen pulsing through my poor body?  

Please, Mother Nature, just go away.  Find Father Time and get lost for a while.  Longer than 28 days, please.  Oh, you think you are so clever with your little monthly gift.  What ever happened to fruit of the month club?  

Stupid uterus. Hateful endometrium. Retched ovaries and annoying fallopian tubes. I curse you and your monthly visit.  You are like the visiting teacher from hell.  Thanks, I don't need the message this month! Could you just leave me some cookies and get off my porch!

I'm done now.  My rantings and furious typing has caused me alarming fatigue due to my current anemia and excessive blood loss.  

I'm laying down now.  

I'm fine. 

I'll be fine.

In 4 days.

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SUGAR AND SPICE

Sometimes more spice than sugar, but I love 'em like that. 

My two girls, and several other bits of sweetness that I love.

I love my spicy girls.  They get that spicy from their mom, I know.

Getting ready for Disneyland

The countdown has begun..

Grandma & Grandpa Ashby-the dream team-rented a beach house at Newport Beach for a week for all of their posterity.  Our week starts on Friday.  Steps from the beach.  Steps from the waves.  Steps from no laundry, vacuuming or dusting.  Steps from warm sand between my toes. Steps from children laughing and playing for hours on end with NO fighting.  No phones.  No computers. Can't wait.

We will also be going to Disneyland.  I think I may be as excited as my toddlers.  My sweet TODDler, however, is not so excited, but has agreed to join us.  Teacups and space mountain, HERE WE COME!! 

Where's the wisdom..

Because my life is not chaotic enough, both Maddie and Tanner had their wisdom teeth (all 4) removed this week.  Tanner's surgery was Wednesday and Maddie's was Thursday.  Oh, the drama.  Oh, the swelling, the bloody gauze, the medication, warm packs and ice cream.. Oh, the hell that is my life.... 

Really, it hasn't been that bad.  They have both been troopers.  I am sure the Lortab has something to do with their good humor.  I mean, there is NO WAY Maddie would have let me take a picture, except that she was a bit drugged and her resistance was down.  Both are sleeping and eating well and hope to be back to their normal teenaged selves in no time at all. LUCKY ME!!  Maybe there will be some leftover Lortab for the worn-out mom.

We call her Maddie Potter the Chipmunk wizard...

This is Tanner post surgery.

I know, he looks a bit like a 

combination of Alvin the chipmunk and the Elephant Man.

Tanner on laughing gas.

Where's the laughing?

Oh, here it is...