Stress and unleavened bread

So I had a bad day.  Or I should say, a bit of a stressful morning. It is funny how, when it rains, it pours. I had a relatively non-stressful day planned which is exactly when these things usually happen... Keeps you on your toes.

I woke up fairly content and then I stepped into the chaos that is my life.  Todd trying to get gone on a boys only four-wheeling day trip ("do you know where the camel back is?" "Can you make me a few sandwiches?" "Can you wipe my bum?"  kidding, honey) Then there was my darling toddlers who insisted they must eat out of the new frosted flakes bowls that were dirty and in the dishwasher which was in the middle of washing. I am not a sucker-I did not get the bowls out for them, although that would have been a lot easier than trying to reason with them that they did not have to have the frosted flake bowls to eat their frosted flakes.. Finally, breakfast done and started my workout when a cute neighbor called and asked if I could watch her son, which was fine.  Just made working out very interesting with 3 children to entertain.  Then I got ready and went to Walmart, always a pleasure.  My kids were fairly well-behaved, so it wasn't torture.  I hadn't been shopping for a few weeks so I had a mountain of crap to load up.  I knew I was cutting it close because I had my super mammogram scheduled today and I still had to feed kids lunch and put all my walmart purchases away.  As I pulled into my driveway, I got a sinking feeling in my muffin-top (gut).  The fence to the backyard was open-that is never a good sign.  My dearest husband had forgotten to pull it all the way closed as he left for his testosterone-filled day.  So, as I was bringing groceries in, I sent Luke to the backyard to see if Sophie was still there.  Nope, no Sophie.  Now, the funny thing about Ms. Sophie is that when we take her on walks, it is all she can do to make it 50 feet from the front door, but when she gets out it is like she grows another set of legs and these legs are the legs of a gazelle, because she just disappers.  CRAPPPPP! I don't have time for this!! I do the responsible thing and send Luke out in the front to walk the sidewalk calling to her as I am continuing to put my perishables away.  Sadie decides to take this opportunity to be constipated.  And when I say constipated, I mean severely constipated.  She is in the bathroom yelling, "Mommy, my pooh huwts my bum! It won't tum out and it won't stay in!!" Ouch!" Plus, lots of crying and tears.  CCCCRRRAAAPPPP!! Luke outside, yelling for Sophie; Sadie inside, yelling for me; Sophie who knows where, doing who knows what; My resolve to be happy, slowly dissolving. 

I spring into action and help Sadie (don't ask, i won't tell).  I get Luke inside, we say a prayer for Sophie's safety.  I throw kids and their lunch into the car and we proceed to a neighbor's home who will be watching the children. Apologize because I am late and then run to my car.  I know if I am too late, the boob squishing that is also known as mammogram, will have to be rescheduled.  

I arrive safely at the hospital 2 minutes before my appointment. Despite making it to the appointment, I am all riled up inside out of concern for my stupid pet dog.  I am not even worried about the upcoming boob squishing.  So, my boobs get squished a few minutes later.  Such a blessed procedure.  We can fly to the moon, but we haven't invented something better than a freakin steamroller for boobs.  I am sorry, I know they save lives, but how about we save lives in a little more gentile way. I mean, if men's privates had to be placed in a mammography compress unit, I am quite sure there would be a public outcry and demonstrations in the street until there was some other way to get internal pictures of their privates.  I am sure it would involve general anesthetics and lots of pillows (private part pillows) and Lortab prescriptions.

I rush home after the flattening and praises are raised to heaven as I see my fat pig dog laying in the driveway, just waiting for me to return.  

All is well in Zion again.

Except my boobs look like unleavened bread.  Small, small loaves of unleaved bread.

Luke's Preschool Field Trip to Pumpkin Patch

I can't imagine a more perfect fall day to visit a little local farm/pumpkin patch/corn maze.  We enjoyed the sitting on the old tractors and climbing on hay bales.  The corn maze was really fun and the tractor ride was the best. 

 I especially loved all of the dust that got on my new jeans and boots.  

The best part was just hangin' with my little man, Luke.  He is such a crazy, energetic charmer. It was great to see how he interacts with his friends.

Fun place, good times.. Love this season :)

More Halloween fun

Sadie's little preschool buddy 

It is all about the heels...

Have you ever tried to play Halloween twister in a 

ball gown and heels?

SpiderMan was prepared for a 

sudden winter storm

What really happened is my son is from HELL!

He has misplaced his Sketchers.

He threw one of his flip flops into my sister-in-laws bushes-

can't get it out.

He informed me that his Tow-Mater shoes are too small.

He has winter boots,rain boots & church boots.

So he is going to wear one of those boots, 

even if he looks like a freak of nature.

Sadie with two of her favorite neighbors.

Waiting in line for the fishing for treats.

Beautiful Belle..

Married, white female looking for sister wife!

I have decided to come out with my support of bigamy.  Yes, I know that this could lead to some jail time (I need the rest), but I feel the need to take a stand.  I would love me a sister wife.  Now, I realize I already have Maddie, who I have referred to as my "sister wife"; however, that just seems a little sick and twisted (and sad) to have your daughter be your "sister wife". So, I am just putting it out there for my few faithful followers- I need a full-time sister wife.  I actually would be OK with a full-time "sister" or 2 part-time "sisters".  I just really could use the help.  

It would be delightful to have one sister who's only job description was to clean up my husband's (or should I say "our" husband's) nail and hair trimmings.  I could also put some one to work full-time shopping for my teenaged daughter and her many dances (boo tan ears, swatches, shoes, earrings, hair ditties, dresses, strapless bras, and other unmentionables).  

I would assign (because I would be WIFE #1) out toilets, floors, dusting and cleaning handprints off walls and light switches.  I would rotate with the sisters through cooking dinner and laundry because those things I don't mind all that much.  I would also keep the "husbandly" duties to myself, unless my sister wife was ugly (that would just be funny..).  And for sure, if I was to get a sister wife, she would have to be on the unpleasant-to-look-at side. Unless, she had some serious skills like canning, sewing, or gardening.  If she could do all that, and she followed my commands well, she could be somewhat cute.  Whatever- she could be really cute.  I just need me some help.  

For those who feel they are up to the task, I need to be forthright and show you what my life is really like.  I have included for your consideration the last 3 months of my calender.  Freakishly full right? Oh, and that is not all, dear, that is not all.  That is just what I had time to write down.  You notice, in August there is a week with nothing written down.  Vacation, you say? Puh-leeze! That was when I needed a sister wife the most!!! Packing and washing, and cleaning and sorting, and soothing and bathing-- come on, ladies, you know how it is.  Disneyland and the beach are tailor-made for polygamy.  I am convinced that I could actually have fun on vacation if only for a few worthy sisters.  In fact, I bet my husband would even agree to this idea, if he only knew that he would never have to go to Disneyland again if he but married again.  

All of you naysayers, need not apply.  I am looking for serious, committed, ugly people only. Women who can clean my floor, make some bread, wash my windows, and rub my  feet. I am wife #1, you know.  

P.S. Todd, if you are reading this, don't get your hopes up.  I get to choose, my dear.  This is not for your happiness or pleasure, it is only for me.  Kind of like my purses--only for my happiness and pleasure.  Maybe, instead of purses, I should collect me some sister wives....

Donuts, dresses & don't ask/don't tell

There are some awesome benefits of living in a neighborhood filled with talented overachievers. One of my neighbors has a halloween party every year in which a few things are served up in abundance-

1. Hot chocolate

2. Homemade donuts

3. Various treats of the homemade variety

4. Haunted Hay rides

Everyone comes dressed up, unless they are lame, like me.  It is so much fun and I love that it extends the Halloween season for one more night of costuming and sugaring up.  

The party was Saturday and because of my chaotic life, I wasn't able to get Luke's costume until the thursday before the party.  I knew there wouldn't be a very good selection of costumes at this late date, but I was determined to put my shoulder to the wheel and push some people out of the way to get my 5 year old the costume he desired.  

We made the trek to Orem to go to the Disney store (how annoying that SLC doesn't still have one). And what a trek it was.  I thought it would be a good idea to go at rush hour, so we moved about as fast as I could have pulled a handcart.  Tanner was thoroughly annoyed at me because I made him come help me, so in order to appease him I had to stop at Krispy Kreme.  I mean, can you imagine how much I hated stopping to get some hot glazed donuts (those things are truly evil).  We arrived at the disney store after much trauma and drama (Luke touching Sadie, Sadie screaming that Luke touched her, Tanner expressing his displeasure about the whole affair).  Of course, I was right, and there were pretty much NO costumes left his size EXCEPT for the very cute Captain Hook and the very feminine Peter Pan.  No way was I going to let him be Peter Pan!  But Luke took one look at the gayish green costume with it's accompanying knife and "bowden arrow" (bow and arrow) set, and he was sold! I tried to point out the cool hook and sword that Captain Hook would be sporting, but alas, he was completely blinded by the choice of weapon.  

I hope his violent ways makes up for the clearly androgynous look of the Peter Pan costume.  I think everyone will be clear that he is all man when they have to pull the arrow out of their stomach or the knife out of their back.  

My princess Sadie who won't wear anything but dresses decided she must purchase the Tiana dress with coordinating shoes.  She is just like all of us women-her heels hurt her feet, create blisters and red spots, but she continues to wear them because of  their beauty. I am starting to wonder how long this "dresses only" stage will last.  Maddie never went through this stage, so I just don't have a clue.  Sadie will dig thru the dirty clothes to find a dress she deems appropriate. She has, on a couple of occasions, slept in her dress (and would do it every night if I let her).  I have put all of her non-playtime dresses out of reach, but this morning I woke up to find her step stools stacked on top of each other, stacked on top of stuffed animals. She had been building her own Tower of Babel.  She said she was trying to get her Santa dress down. Again, just like us women, she has specific things that she feels like wearing and it is almost impossible for me to refocus her on something more appropriate.  She ended up wearing the same dress that she wore at church yesterday.  Seriously, I am just glad she dresses herself, because my 5 year old Peter Pan, can't even figure out how to take his own shirt off.

Going right along with the don't ask/don't tell theme, 

this little boy's mommy came up to me and said she was a little bit 

worried about these two boys. 

She had overheard her little boy say to Luke 

while looking him square in the face,

"Luke, I just love looking into your eyes!"

I can see how it would be a bit confusing for him-

the long eyelashes,

the Peter Pan costume..

This darling creature that is trying to behead my Peter is wearing the very Captain Hook

costume that I desired him to wear.  She looked so cute and they are little 

buddies so it was fun to get some pictures of them together.  We (her mom and me) 

have already decided that this picture will be used for their wedding video in about 17 years.

Luke's Birthday Party

I decided to throw a last minute birthday party for Luke with 3 of his preschool buddies & of course, Sadie. Luke was disturbed that he had to invite Sadie. Maybe someday they will love each other...

We picked them up a little after 10 a.m. and traveled to the Thanksgiving Point Dinosaur Museum. It is one of my favorite museum/children exhibit that we have access to. We herded them thru the first part of the exhibit and then it was time for our 3D movie. So cool, but a little scary for some of our little guys. I also thought Sadie was going to have a meltdown after her last experience with 3D glasses (see here). But, we were able to calm the children with some sugary drinks and nasty popcorn. It was a fun movie and only 23 minutes long so we didn't have too much trouble maintaining them for that long.

After the movie, we went back into the museum and spent the next hour counting children and running after boy after boy. And then there was the yelling.. (just kidding, I didn't yell. Well, maybe once or twice-and it was because I had a little monster climbing into an exhibit to try to climb up on a dinosaur skeleton). Actually, they were all really well-behaved for sugared up boys that were super excited to see all of the neat things the museum has to offer. I think their favorite was the movie, but they loved the hands on stuff-digging up the bones and playing in the sand and water with the little dinosaurs.

After the museum, we headed to McDonald's. Yes, that is right. I took these 5 little souls, by myself, to get us some chicken nuggets. We played on the play place for a a while then went back home for presents and cake. I know, I am lame for not making his cake. But it was still good, and he didn't care as long as there was cake.

We had a great day and loved seeing him so happy to be with his little buddies.