Freakin Hopeless

I have several questions to ask the Man in Charge when I die.


1.  Why do kids only throw up at night? And why is it right when I am just entering dreamland?  I mean.. do I not deserve even 5 minutes of peaceful slumber????


2.  Do they intend to hit 5 different surfaces with each spew of their putrid vile chunkiness?  I swear my kids are like.. "BBBaaarrrffff! Cool, I hit the closet door!  RRaaaallffff!  Awesome, I got the hall carpet and the door!  UUcckkkk!  Mom is going to be so proud I hit the shower curtain this time!"  One thing that I never get to hear when my children are sick is the glorious sound of vomit hitting the water in the toilet.


3.  Is there some reason this has to occur at the busiest time of the year (i.e.Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc..)?  I am not bitter that last year we had to eat our Thanksgiving dinner at a stupid restaurant because we had the sick.  


4.  Why does this horrible vomit have to power to render me completely and utterly hopeless? 

• Hopeless that my house will ever smell clean.  
• Hopeless that I will ever truly rid my carpet, blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, curtains, tile, bathtub, towels, washrags, puke bowls of the stupid infecting virus.  
• Hopeless that I will get any sleep in the next 48 hours.  
• Hopeless that I can resist the urge to run screaming out my front door.

5.  If Sadie only eats 3 tablespoons of solid food, how does that multiply and exponentially expand in her gut to create 1 gallon of chunky vomit?  Could someone please explain the math????

6.  Is it wrong to wish for a medication that both immediately stops the vomiting and causes a nice peaceful sleep to come over my entire family?  You know... like Nyquil for kids, only plus a little Phenergan or Zofran.  I think if I was to have a super power, it would be most assuredly, the power to stop vomit.  Or the power to cause a peaceful sleep to all children in my house under 8.  Or it would be the power to design and manufacture my own purses and shoes.  That would be a good one.  If I had that power I could design a purse that hung around the sick ones neck and it would be big and slouchy and would catch all of the vomit emitting from sick ones face.  That would be awesome..

Someone lame already invented it.

But, I will invent one that is much cuter and made for children.