MASHER DRAMA: PART DEUX

Ok, so lets just say that I have the most pathetic excuse for a dog that has ever existed on this earth.  Sit back and relax while I tell you a tale of a sad, sad doggy.  

Masher is a funny, funny puppy. He likes to lick my children's private parts.  He likes to have some puppy "levi love" with Sophie.  His tendency to do this during prayer time, meal time, family time, any ole time has troubled my family for weeks.  I was saddened to think that he would have to get his manhood jewels removed, only because the poor thing is already so pathetic with his 2 bad hips, but 2 incidents changed my mind and caused this STUD to become a GELDING (what is it called in dogs?? I only know in horses). 

Incident #1-  Tanner saying family prayer. He says the most sincere, heartfelt prayers.  Even if it is at the dinner table.. he really talks to Heavenly Father and consults with him on things foremost in his mind.  "....and Heavenly Father, please help Masher not to.... (LONG PAUSE)"

Now let me just say what Tanner was going to say was ... "hump Sophie", but being the smart child that he is he probably knew that "hump" was not an appropriate word for a prayer.  So.. proceed with the prayer..

"...please help Masher not to ... (really long pause)... INTERACT WITH SOPHIE IN AN INAPPROPRIATE WAY"  Oh, yes he did.  Troubled.  My family is troubled.  

Incident #2

Picture a harried mom of 4 laying down for 2 seconds by her husband watching a recording of General Conference (ok.. not really.. we were watching a jazz game or something completely pointless).  Luke climbs up on my bed and straddles my legs.  He then proceeds to bounce up and down on my legs and exclaim "Look Mom!  I'm humping you like Masher humps Sophie!"  I am the best parent in the world... don't even kid yourself.. Troubled.  I am very troubled.  

Proceeding with the sad tale...

Because of all of the inappropriate activity going on at all times and in all places, we schedule a de-jeweling for last week.  It was supposed to be no big deal. I picked the new Masher up and he was acting just fine.. not ashamed or depressed or anything.  He was having quite a good attitude if you ask me.  I got him home and we let him out to say hi to his girlfriend.  We expected him to go hide in the corner, sad because Sophie had to see him this way.  Oh NO! Within 5 minutes, he was on her like sticky on glue (sorry, bad image).  More humping, more groans from the family.  More tears on my pillow.  

Continuing with the tragedy..

Today my husband takes Masher to the vet because he thinks he might be developing an infection in his incision (could it be that dog love is not appropriate for 4 days post surgery?).  Masher had been periodically shaking and it was just since the surgery.  Sure, it had to be an infection to be easily treated with antibiotics..  OH NO!! My FREAKIN puppy has stressed induced SEIZURES that require seizure medication for the rest of his life.  Seriously.  I am tired.  Could I get my money back now??  

Disclaimer to the PETA lovers out there.. I do love my dog, and I do feel bad for him. I promise to give him all of his medication (currently we are up to 3 different medications..) as prescribed.  

My life really is ..... (long pause)... inappropriately ridiculous...