I warn you.. It is a journal entry... and it is long...

Some days are harder than others when you are a mom.

Can I get an AMEN?

Some days, no matter their cuteness, 

my kids push me to the edge of insanity.

I love them, I do.

It is just some days, I want to climb in a hole and not mother for a few hours.

Or days.

I am trying to raise thoughtful, unselfish and grateful children.

That is a 24 hour, 7 days a week job.

Sometimes I get bugged that I can't take a few 15 minute breaks, plus a lunch break and a week or two of paid time off.

Some days my kids are angels.

I am singing in my heart.

There is definite sunshine in my soul

I am proud.

I feel as though I may be winning the war.

THEN..

Some other days occur.

On those days, I feel like I am doing more damage than good.

They complain about doing chores.

They complain about the homemade dinner I thoughtfully prepared.

They ignore me (but, listen to their dad, of course).

They throw tantrums.

Tonight, however, the bad attitudity (it's a word, moron) reached a fever pitch with my little Lamanite, Luke.

As he stomped his way to his room

-(mad that he had to eat his dinner)-

he called out,

"Mom, you are really mean!"

I realize this may not be a big deal at some homes,

but in my home, it is NOT okay.

This mommy doesn't tolerate sassy very well.

At the same time, 

Sadie was whining because Tanner exited out of her computer game.

Tanner was trying to correct her.

His correction and her whining were getting louder and louder.

My fuse was getting shorter and shorter.

My head was pounding.

As Lukifer loudly shared his opinion of his dear mother-

who gained 65 pounds to have him,

went through labor,

squeezed him out of my lady parts, 

loved him,

nurtured him,

BREAST FED HIM FOR 10 MONTHS (big deal for this momma),

clothed him,

carried him,

comforted him,

fed him (how dare I make him eat soup!!??),

saved him from death a few dozen times,

medicated him,

birthday parties, 

Christmas presents,

etc....

"Mom, you are really mean!"..

Pretty much was like the matador waving a 

red flag at an angry bull.

I sent him to his bed.

I sent Sadie to her bed.

I sent my 16 year old son to his bed.

WHY DIDN'T I JUST SEND MYSELF TO BED??

Dumb, so dumb.

After calming myself enough to face him,

we had a "conversation" about why he is not allowed to speak to 

his mom like that.

He had tears in his eyes.

He said he was sorry.

Did it make me feel better?

Of course not.

I don't want to have to get angry with my kids to 

have them listen to me.

I want to be like my husband and say things once,

in a kind manly way,

and have my kids respond.

It is annoying being the mom sometimes.

I know I will survive this gloomy day.
I have had others like this day and worse, and have survived.
I also realize that I will have many a glorious, sunshiny day.

It may go like this...

My children will wake at 8:00 a.m.
and will sing me awake with the classic
"Mother, I love you.
Mother, I do..."

They will make their beds and straighten their rooms
with nary a complaint or a whine.
They will come and ask if they can help me with breakfast.
"Oh, Mother! How wonderful that you made us oatmeal for breakfast! You are truly a wonderful person!"

They will give me a hug and a kiss before telling me
how magnificent I look in my robe and bedhead.
Luke will help Sadie brush her teeth
and Tanner will help Luke tie his shoes.
Sadie will help Sophie wake up.

We will cuddle as we read scriptures
and one by one, my sweet angels will
thank me for teaching them the gospel.

No unkind word shall pass a lip.
No one will be pushed, hit or pinched.
No one will ask to play Halo.
They will instead ask if they can take a nap
and ask if I would like to join them.

After the nap, they will wake and quietly 
go about their homework or work on a quilt for the needy.
Sshh. Don't wake Mother.
She needs to rest!
I will awaken again to sweet tunes being
sung by my children...
"I often go walking in meadows of clover..."
They will know all of the words, too.

Again we will cuddle as we nestle into bed.
We will play a board game.
Verily, no contention will come to pass.
Love will be spoken here.

As we eat a fantastic dinner prepared by my husband
(I know, I am really reaching now!!)
we will share thoughts and feelings about our day.
My children will testify of the grandness
and goodness of being an Ashby child.
They will share experiences and challenges they have faced.
They will listen as I counsel gently with each of them.

As we gather together for a family prayer,
kneeling & holding hands in solidarity-
my children will gaze at me with love and thanksgiving.
A non-memorized prayer will be uttered.
Every eye will remained closed.
No one will laugh during this prayer (it really does happen
quite often at our house-I know, Wo, until me!).

I will go to sleep 
(amazed that I could sleep at all after my 3 hour nap)
with contentment and satisfaction of a job well done, 
a day well spent.

OKAY, I REALIZE THAT IS JUST A HORRIBLY FREAKY DAY.
IF THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, 
I MIGHT THINK I WAS IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
OR THE CELESTIAL KINGDOM.

WHICH IF THAT IS THE CASE,
I THINK THAT THE CELESTIAL KINGDOM IS OVERRATED.
I MIGHT JUST OPT OUT.
FREAKY, JUST FREAKY.