I warn you.. It is a journal entry... and it is long...

Some days are harder than others when you are a mom.

Can I get an AMEN?

Some days, no matter their cuteness, 

my kids push me to the edge of insanity.

I love them, I do.

It is just some days, I want to climb in a hole and not mother for a few hours.

Or days.

I am trying to raise thoughtful, unselfish and grateful children.

That is a 24 hour, 7 days a week job.

Sometimes I get bugged that I can't take a few 15 minute breaks, plus a lunch break and a week or two of paid time off.

Some days my kids are angels.

I am singing in my heart.

There is definite sunshine in my soul

I am proud.

I feel as though I may be winning the war.

THEN..

Some other days occur.

On those days, I feel like I am doing more damage than good.

They complain about doing chores.

They complain about the homemade dinner I thoughtfully prepared.

They ignore me (but, listen to their dad, of course).

They throw tantrums.

Tonight, however, the bad attitudity (it's a word, moron) reached a fever pitch with my little Lamanite, Luke.

As he stomped his way to his room

-(mad that he had to eat his dinner)-

he called out,

"Mom, you are really mean!"

I realize this may not be a big deal at some homes,

but in my home, it is NOT okay.

This mommy doesn't tolerate sassy very well.

At the same time, 

Sadie was whining because Tanner exited out of her computer game.

Tanner was trying to correct her.

His correction and her whining were getting louder and louder.

My fuse was getting shorter and shorter.

My head was pounding.

As Lukifer loudly shared his opinion of his dear mother-

who gained 65 pounds to have him,

went through labor,

squeezed him out of my lady parts, 

loved him,

nurtured him,

BREAST FED HIM FOR 10 MONTHS (big deal for this momma),

clothed him,

carried him,

comforted him,

fed him (how dare I make him eat soup!!??),

saved him from death a few dozen times,

medicated him,

birthday parties, 

Christmas presents,

etc....

"Mom, you are really mean!"..

Pretty much was like the matador waving a 

red flag at an angry bull.

I sent him to his bed.

I sent Sadie to her bed.

I sent my 16 year old son to his bed.

WHY DIDN'T I JUST SEND MYSELF TO BED??

Dumb, so dumb.

After calming myself enough to face him,

we had a "conversation" about why he is not allowed to speak to 

his mom like that.

He had tears in his eyes.

He said he was sorry.

Did it make me feel better?

Of course not.

I don't want to have to get angry with my kids to 

have them listen to me.

I want to be like my husband and say things once,

in a kind manly way,

and have my kids respond.

It is annoying being the mom sometimes.

I know I will survive this gloomy day.
I have had others like this day and worse, and have survived.
I also realize that I will have many a glorious, sunshiny day.

It may go like this...

My children will wake at 8:00 a.m.
and will sing me awake with the classic
"Mother, I love you.
Mother, I do..."

They will make their beds and straighten their rooms
with nary a complaint or a whine.
They will come and ask if they can help me with breakfast.
"Oh, Mother! How wonderful that you made us oatmeal for breakfast! You are truly a wonderful person!"

They will give me a hug and a kiss before telling me
how magnificent I look in my robe and bedhead.
Luke will help Sadie brush her teeth
and Tanner will help Luke tie his shoes.
Sadie will help Sophie wake up.

We will cuddle as we read scriptures
and one by one, my sweet angels will
thank me for teaching them the gospel.

No unkind word shall pass a lip.
No one will be pushed, hit or pinched.
No one will ask to play Halo.
They will instead ask if they can take a nap
and ask if I would like to join them.

After the nap, they will wake and quietly 
go about their homework or work on a quilt for the needy.
Sshh. Don't wake Mother.
She needs to rest!
I will awaken again to sweet tunes being
sung by my children...
"I often go walking in meadows of clover..."
They will know all of the words, too.

Again we will cuddle as we nestle into bed.
We will play a board game.
Verily, no contention will come to pass.
Love will be spoken here.

As we eat a fantastic dinner prepared by my husband
(I know, I am really reaching now!!)
we will share thoughts and feelings about our day.
My children will testify of the grandness
and goodness of being an Ashby child.
They will share experiences and challenges they have faced.
They will listen as I counsel gently with each of them.

As we gather together for a family prayer,
kneeling & holding hands in solidarity-
my children will gaze at me with love and thanksgiving.
A non-memorized prayer will be uttered.
Every eye will remained closed.
No one will laugh during this prayer (it really does happen
quite often at our house-I know, Wo, until me!).

I will go to sleep 
(amazed that I could sleep at all after my 3 hour nap)
with contentment and satisfaction of a job well done, 
a day well spent.

OKAY, I REALIZE THAT IS JUST A HORRIBLY FREAKY DAY.
IF THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, 
I MIGHT THINK I WAS IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
OR THE CELESTIAL KINGDOM.

WHICH IF THAT IS THE CASE,
I THINK THAT THE CELESTIAL KINGDOM IS OVERRATED.
I MIGHT JUST OPT OUT.
FREAKY, JUST FREAKY.

Tanner's Great Adventure

Shut up.

Just shut up.

This is my son, in the ER.

Yes, I think someone has Munchausen's Disease.

Or maybe, just Hypochondriacism.

(I know that is not a word, shut up again.)

2 words-

KIDNEY STONES.

At the tender age of 16.

On the day before his last football game of the season.

So sad.

There is not enough medication in the world to take away kidney stone pain.

Poor poor urethra and ureters.

And pride.

Tanner had to have his private parts (or "tenders" as he likes to call them) handled by a female MD.

Just to make sure it wasn't testicular torsion.

TMI?

My blog, my choice.

Shut up again.

Then, that night was a wonderful surprise.

An invitation to the next dance which is girls choice-Bingham Ball.

It's a formal dance, which means renting a tuxedo!!

Woot, Woot!!

Tanner was excited to see who was asking him and his shredded ureters to the dance.

He was a bit dreamy after finding out who was extending the invitation, but then again

that could have been the Percocet.

This girl is from a wonderful family in our last ward.

It will be her very first date and it is a great compliment that she wants to go with my son.

I am so excited for them, they are going to have a blast.

Can you see the little hole in the cake where her name was?

Such a cute idea-if you can't tell by the picture, it is 2 bundt cakes, one upside down
and then another one on top of it.  A green ice cream cone completes the pumpkin cake.
So cute! And really sooo yummy!

I tell you, it is the most wonderful time of the year!!

He answered in a really cute way.

At least I thought it was cute.

He got her a bouquet of flowers, a stuffed animal, some candy bars and a card.

All of the items had a price tag on them..

(i.e. flowers...$8.99, stuffed animal...$4.99, favorite candy bars... $2.39 etc.)

And then the card said..

"A date with you to the Bingham Ball... priceless!"

I know... so special...

Best app of ALL time!

Do not kid yourself..

This is the best waste of 2 hours of my entire life.

I learned that Tanner has a myriad of hideous faces.

It's weird, because he is such a handsome young man with a lovely face.

But, when face bombing...he his atrociously ugly.

I have learned that when face bombing with Madison,

be prepared to see the devil.

It is basically like playing with a Ouji board.

You will see the devil in this post..

I have learned that my cat lady friend is always good for a laugh.

Well, I already knew that.

She be silly!!

I learned that Tanner with long hair also is reminiscent of 

some stoners I once knew.

These are just a few of the hundreds of pictures we took.

Get your emesis basin ready, you will be nauseated, perhaps even vomit.

This last one may be my all time favorite.

My son.

My beautiful son.

Witha smashed in face..

Look at Luke.

Wrong, just wrong.

Wonderful (and annoying)

Here is the wonderful...

My sweet boy, Luke, turned 7 this past weekend.

Yep, we had Homecoming, General Conference, & Birthday Celebration

all packed into a 48 hour period.

Oh.. let's not forget a trip to the ER!! (annoying)

(see below)

My husband was thinking clearer than I and decided against

the gun, bow & arrow, and knife that Luke wanted for his birthday.

Instead he got the usual toys-

-Nerf gun (more bullets to pick up-Yeah for me!!)

-toy cars (more cars to pick up-Yeah for me!!)

-Avengers DVD 

-a University of Utah flat hat (how many does one child need?)

-a wiggle car (love it!!)..

Todd's contribution to Luke's birthday was

a set of football pads and a REAL helmet!

As if his idea was less dangerous than my gun idea...

Luke looking like a football stud..

Once you get him on his back, 

he can't get up because the helmet is so heavy.

Gave us lots of laughs as they played...

NOW, TO THE ANNOYING..

Stabbed myself with scissors while trying to extricate

the cars from the box.

WHY DO YOU NEED THE FREAKIN' JAWS OF LIFE

TO OPEN A FREAKIN' SET OF CARS!!!???

Stupid packaging moron idiots....

Went right into my joint and did a little bit of damage...

5 stitches and a Diet Coke later...

Let us do a quick reminder that this happened on the day of Homecoming 

when I hosted breakfast and the day activity.

As well as had them all back at my house before the dance to take pictures.

I would like to now draw your attention to my life on the day of

Homecoming for Herriman.. click here  to be stunned by my good fortune!

My sweet boy, reading.

(notice his cool flat hat, worn backwards like any

stud muffin hooligan would do it!)

I love you more than anything, Luke!

I can't believe how fast you are growing up!

Please stop!

Again, I have this mothering thing totally under control.

Notice the 3 candles.

Yes, I know he is not 3, but he would have had none if up to me.

My sweet neighbor donated these to the cause.

Luke didn't seem to care. 

Loved little Sadie during Conference taking notes.

She took notes throughout Sunday session. 

Love all wonderful and annoying moments in my life.

Wouldn't be right if we couldn't have both!!

Crying

This will be an unusual post for me.
No swearing or smart-alec comments.
Boring, I know.

I feel... well... I feel ALOT, right now.

This weekend's announcement at Conference came right in the middle of Tanner's Homecoming Extravaganza.  Lots of noise and lots of messes were distracting me from listening to The Word.  Maddie called me right after the announcement was made and announced, "Did you hear, I can go on a mission right now!?" So excited, so happy.  I immediately verified it and starting feeling...well... feeling ALOT!  I couldn't cry with the entertaining I was doing, even though I wanted to.  I felt the Spirit witness to me that this was a magnificent blessing.  This blessing was church-wide, but strangely felt like it was just for me, just for Maddie.

We have had many conversations about Maddie's desire to serve a mission, but not wanting to wait until she was 21.  We have had many conversations about knowing the will of the Lord in your life.  We have had many conversations about her love of travel and love of service.  She has an unending enthusiasm for different cultures and seeing the world.  She cherishes her time spent in the Philippines. Most recently, before Conference (or B.C., as it will be referred to), she has wanted to join the Peace Corp and/or do a study abroad.  She has been searching for what it is she is supposed to do.  As her Mom, I am amazed at her drive to not just coast.. she wanted something more.  Every time we would talk, she would have a new idea for something she could do that she was passionate about.  Most times, I would say, "What you are describing is a mission!!"  And she would say, "I know, but I can't do that right now!"

And now, I know that the Lord is aware of my daughter.  I know that Church policy wasn't changed for Maddie alone.  But I know this change is an individual answer to prayers for her and by her.  I have always known that this girl could and would be a tremendous force for good.  I have always wished that she could go on a mission and feel of the blessings that I know she would receive by serving the Lord in that way.  Wishes can come true, but more certain than that- prayers are heard and answered in ways that are stunningly powerful and good.

It is easy to say, "I want to serve a mission", but when you get to actually make that decision, I am sure it is hard.  I have been surprised at how unwavering Maddie is about her decision.  I think she decided as soon as she heard the announcement.  I believe in my heart that Maddie feels the Spirit telling her she is needed in some far off land, or some boring place like Idaho.  I believe with all of my soul that she will be a fantastic missionary and I have absolutely no hesitation in supporting her decision.  I know that it will bring many challenges and hardships, but I know that she will learn more about the love of her Heavenly Father and Savior by serving them in this way than any other thing she could do.  I am proud of her for this big step.

Crying, crying, never stopping this weekend.  Crying because I am so exceptionally happy for all of the wonderful young people who are so eager to do this amazingly hard thing.  I really don't know where the Church plans on putting all of the new missionaries they are going to be getting.  Mr. Mac doesn't have enough suits stocked up and hey! Somebody better get on opening a Miss Mac.  In teaching the youth, I have known for many years that the teenagers in this generation are so strong.  The good ones have such stronger testimonies at their young ages.  I think this is going to be a testimony builder for many families.  I look forward to the next 9-10 months, preparing myself to be a mother of a missionary.  I have dreamt of this day, and the Lord has sought fit to gift me with it early, with a child who has such a strong desire to serve him.  I am humbled and grateful.

More crying, crying.  I am so blessed.

Tanner's 1st Date!! Homecoming 2012!!

It is in the books.

My little boy, my sweet little boy.. is now a dating teenager.

Can't believe how time flies.

It is slightly different having a boy as the teenager.

With Maddie it was all drama, all the time.

"When are we going to get a dress?"

"How am I going to do my hair?"

"What shoes will go with this dress?"

"This dress needs major alterations!"

"What if I am the only one wearing a long dress?"

"What about earrings!"

"I will be on my stupid period!"

and here is how she would respond to me trying to help her plan a date..

"Umm.. no, Mom.  I don't think people would think that was cool or fun.

Just like I don't think you are cool or fun."

(Just kidding Mad maggoo! I miss messing with you on my blog so I have to do it every once in a while so I don't get boring...)

So, with Tanner it is about as opposite as can be.

I am constantly asking Tanner the questions..

"Have you made a plan yet?"

"Have you talked to your date about the plan?"

"Do you know what colors she wants you to wear?"

"What are you wearing?"

"Who is driving?"

Except for the time he asked me a few questions..

"Mom, did you buy my tickets yet?

(Mind you, they are sold out of the Main office at the high school he is at everyday)

and

"Mom, did you buy her corsage yet?"

(At least he remembered, I was a bit surprised)

I decided to start having pop quizzes about his upcoming date that he was supposed to be planning.

I would start asking him..

"Tanner, could you tell me right now when Cassie needs to be ready on Saturday night?"

or 

"Tanner, who is picking Cassie up on Saturday night?"

or 

"What will you be doing for breakfast and what are you doing after breakfast?"

"Does your date need to be home at a certain time on Saturday?"

"What should she wear for the day activity?"

"How much money are you going to need for this date?

and on and on and on and on...

Holy crap.

But I am proud to say, that after much study and review,

Tanner learned the schedule for his first date.

He is such an honor roll student.

I loved being involved in this date/dance/project/extravaganza.

The boys loved my ideas.

But, of course, they were great ideas.

Schedule for the date:

(transferred from Tanner's study guide)

Pick up at 7:45 a.m.

Arrive at Ashby's at 8:00 a.m. for Breakfast

Breakfast - crepes, sausages with various breakfasty beverages

Eat until 9:00 a.m.

At 9:30 a.m. was our Cake Scavenger Hunt.

(They had to run around to my neighbors houses and get the ingredients for a cake and then come back and make their cake. It was fun and crazy and messy, and cheap!)

Conference on at 10:00 a.m. Listen while we bake.

WHAT DID THEY JUST SAY??

CRYING CRYING CRYING!!

MS. MADDIE MAY BE GOING ON A MISSION!

WHAT!?

THE CHURCH IS JUST TOTALLY TRUE!

And... I am back..

After the bake-off, the cakes are judged.

You will see that all 5 couples did an tremendous job.

Finish watching Conference as we clean up.

Leave to take the girls home at Noon.

Pick girls back up at 4:45 p.m.

Arrive at Ashby's at 5:00 p.m. for pictures.

Take pictures until 6:00 and then go to dinner at the Olive Garden.

Arrive at the dance at 8:00.

After dance, go to Clarke's house for s'mores, movies and outdoor games.

Call your mom at midnight.

And.. that's a wrap!