My "TO DO" list

Have you heard?

I totally bottle.

I bottle peaches like a crazy person.

Have you heard? 

My son is learning Mandarin Chinese.

Here he is singing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes"

and counting.

(Turn your volume up if you care to hear him-I was too far away)

Journal entry #254

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I think I can't handle my life.

Sometimes I wonder if I can really raise 4 children to adulthood. 

I wonder if anything I do is making a difference.

I wonder if I should just go back to bed,

let them eat sugar cereal and watch Spongebob cartoons until

5 minutes before the bus comes.

Maybe even let them eat a piece of bread as they run to the bus.

But, I don't.

I get up-I fix breakfast.

Sometimes it is sugar cereal, but if it is, I make them eat a banana or drink Ovaltine.

We practice Chinese ( I want to cry most days because it is so hard!).

We pack lunches.

I have them get clean (in all their places).

I insist on beds being made.

I try to be happy and pleasant, but I really just want to lay down and read a book.

I get them to the bus stop on time.

With their homework and their jackets, as needed.

I make sure I kiss them several times and hug them tightly before they board the bus.

No one is crying--mostly everyone is happy.

I am glad about that. They like school and the bus and their teachers.

But, still I feel like I am not doing enough.

Even though they all have clean clothes and good food.

Even though I read to them, help them with their homework.

Even though I try to kiss and hug several times each day.

Even though I take them to church and help them prepare talks, scriptures & prayers.

Even though I try to do Family Home Evening (usually done at the last minute.. I am lame).

I try to be present in each of their lives.

Trying and trying to teach and to nurture.  

I need to do more, and I just can't seem to find the time or energy.

Breakfast, Chinese, Homework, Husband, Groceries, Laundry, Helping in Classes.

Work, Church Calling, Lunch, Dinner, Dusting, Sweeping, Vacuuming,

Comforting, Disciplining, Teaching, Listening.

Praying..

Registering, Funding, Canning, Texting, Calling, Blogging.

Mowing, Cooking, Baking, Weeding, Driving, Carpool.

Play-dates, Sophie, Exercise.

Praying..

Standing, never sitting.

Forgetting what I was going to say or what I was supposed to do.

Something (someone) else on my mind.

So tired, I can't wait until everyone is asleep so I can lay down, 

and then it happens! They are asleep!

And what do I do..

laundry. 

dusting.

dishes.

I know that I am not the only mother and wife who feels overwhelmed often.

It makes my heart hurt to think of all of the overwhelmed, stressed-out women in the world.

I wish I could hug us all.  I wish I could give a moments peace.

I know we all just want to do what is best for our family.

We want to do what is right.

We want to say yes, all the time.

We want our kids to be happy and healthy.

And that is exhausting work.

This post is exhausting, diary.

Addendum..

As I am writing my most tender feelings,

My sweet teenaged son reminds me that I haven't made dessert yet.

I am now more exhausted than I was before this lengthy post.

I love my life, despite wanting to crawl in a small hole and 

close my eyes as my mouth yells..

"Make your own damn dessert" 

That is not the right thing to do, so I will go make their damn dessert.

And it will be good and they will be happy.

And I will rest tomorrow..